This Newsletter Feels Different.
Which is perfectly natural since it is the first one I have written which is “post-closing” up this office and starting the changes to begin in January. Given that, I will start with a few more of the notes many of you have written.
“My time with you on Friday was helpful to me as I work at focusing, planning and verifying my thought processes. I feel better equipped to make the hugely important decisions coming down the pike for me because of our conversation.
Whimsically but importantly, I added a new quote to my expanding list of “Quotes to Live By.” It is, “You can be good or you can be nice. And you have very little capacity to be nice.” —Ed Wilson’s grandmother. I have the idea that it apples just as fully to me as to Ed.
There are many other tidbits from our conversation that I value highly for how they contribute to my focus, planning and decision-making. They may all evolve into quotes to live by as I mull and personalize them.
I am happy to know that I can continue communicating with you.
With great respect and gratitude,”
I have always loved that quote from my grandmother who was quite correct. She didn’t mean that one can’t be polite, but that in meaningful relationships or situations, nice doesn’t work.
Another longtime subscriber wrote:
“I hope both of you will continue the newsletters, which I often pass on and which have honest insights I can find nowhere else. There’s no inane rhetoric or empty dogma, just frank observations. Several people use this e-mail address, but everyone is very clear about how useful the newsletter information has been. I know we all have to move on in life at various points, but I hope the newsletters will continue.”
And, yes the newsletters will continue uninterrupted as we redefine our services, availability, and changes.
An unexpected, but much appreciated note pleaded:
“I tried the 30 day solution, but found I still was too tired after a long day to listen and work the steps. I guess this is why you do the work in one week. Maybe you could write a book in five steps..based on the five days you work with people. Then offer to meet/ talk/ skype people to deal with the sticky points in their plan.
Could you not train others to work your “magic” in other parts of the country? Many of us have kiddos and no resources for someone else to watch them for five plus days.
What about you coming to other parts of the country and working with couples?
I am sure you probably have thought about it all! Looking forward to hearing your plans!”
And, yes, we are considering all of the options everyone is asking for – another reason to change our structure and approaches so that more of you can be accommodated.
Finally, from far away:
“I wanted to drop you a line to thank you SO MUCH for all that you have, unknowingly, done for me via your website & newsletters.
In mid 2017 I had two ‘sessions’ in two very different residential rehab units here in the UK both of which ‘preached’ the AA route (one was very brutal and, in my opinion, only just stopped short of brainwashing. The second a much ‘kinder’ place which only ‘gently’ suggested AA as a way forward – four meetings a week . . . .).
From August through to end November, I did my best and attended AA meetings weekly, bought The Book, wore the badge etc etc. Like a huge number of people it was the only route I had heard of for dealing with alcohol.
However, something just didnt ‘sit right’, I was growing increasingly uncomfortable, but just could not put my finger on what it was. Until a session, where a (15+ year ‘clean’) sharer described just how much he was beating himself up over an urge he had had some two or three weeks previously.
It dawned on me that what AA (and the rehab places) did was install and maintain a ‘victim’ mentality, fear, weakness – call it what you will. And that these meetings (some lovely people BUT) were a way of sharing, wallowing in and feeding this ‘fear’.
Don’t get me wrong (I am possibly one of the least confident people you could meet: full of self doubt and if anyone feels the need to criticise, they normally need to get in line behind me!!) but I couldn’t bear this thought of letting what basically was simply an addiction continue to rule the rest of my life. And it seemed to be that this would be more so, than it had for the previous 30+ years (I did at least have a mind of my own, such as it was, when drinking).
And then, one evening in February 2018 I was playing around on the internet and searched ‘AA and brainwashing’ and found you guys. I could have cried – there you were putting all my confused thoughts and half-baked theories into words. Since then your newsletters have given me so much strength and confidence in myself. I’ve re-discovered half dead hobbies. Found a major new one, almost to the point of addiction itself – could anyone point me in the direction of Dollshouse Anonymous?? And I’m just, so much more, a content person. Most of the time I even like myself . . .
Every newsletter I have read has hit chords somewhere – I can’t help but think you may have dealt with one or two addicts before!!! This one to which I am replying ‘time’ – I have just turned 50 and am just so aware of how much I have wasted over the years.
Boy can I go on!! I’m sorry, and will cut short by saying that I so wish I could have met you both (and your four-legged therapists) if only to THANK YOU, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for your un-witting support over these last few months.
With love and very best wishes,”
If I needed more reason to continue the newsletters, and consider ways to offer more options to people, I don’t need them anymore. Stay tuned for what 2019 will look like for us and for you!