Here Between the Holidays…
Thanksgiving is over, even if the left-overs aren’t, and Christmas, New Year’s and other assorted holidays and celebrations loom – many of them riddled with alcohol and the ghosts of too many Christmases past, to paraphrase Dickens.
Was Thanksgiving a reminder of how bad a holiday can be? Or an introduction to how different, and enjoyable, a gathering unmarred by alcohol abuse can be?
Or are you still in the “I’ll fix it after Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, New Year’s, the Super Bowl, Ground Hog Day……” mode?
Back when I quit smoking I knew from experience that I merely needed to pick a date and do it. There was no “right time.” Same was true 30+ years ago when I walked away from vodka, Harleys, and John, Lowell, and Gary. And, no, it wasn’t exactly 30 years ago, maybe 35, and that was when I recovered, not moved into “in recovery hell.”
That’s when drinking, motorcycles, and my biker friends all moved into my “been there, done that” file where they have remained along with being a steel worker, commercial salmon fisherman, Alaskan Bush school teacher, and husband, among many other things.
Guess what? Life is a lot better with all of those activities and people moved to the delete file even though I enjoyed every one of them at the time.
That’s the key phrase, “at the time.” And the time for alcohol abuse for all of us has passed – if it hadn’t passed for you too, you wouldn’t be reading this, would you?
So let’s get real, set a date, and let’s get the show on the road to a more interesting, freer, less guilt-ridden, happier, and healthier life!
Isn’t that what you really want? I thought so!
Breaking Up Is So Very Hard To Do…
A recent letter from a former client asked how to go about breaking up with a thoroughly unsatisfactory boyfriend without him being angry.
The short answer is, you can’t.
The longer answer is that many of us find ourselves in dependent relationships where we are the “hosts” to “parasitic” spouses, lovers, friends, and even employers or organizations. The good news is that, with some assertiveness training, we can change these relationships, or eliminate them. The bad news is, dependent people do not go away happily.
Think about it for a moment. If you have been enjoying a largely free ride, financially, emotionally, and/or practically, why would you be happy when your “partner” suddenly decides it’s time for you to either step-up or move along?
This change of circumstances arises when you quit abusing alcohol and self-medicating exploitive relationships. It’s also when the dependent person can no longer hide behind your drinking as what’s “wrong” with the relationship. For that matter, neither can you.
That’s right. Your drinking isn’t the problem – your relationship is. A problem that’s developed because you have failed to assertively take care of yourself.
Is changing all this scary? Of course it is, otherwise you’d have fixed it long ago.
Afraid to be alone? Lots of us are. But hiding in a bottle to avoid someone is about the worst kind of “being alone” there is, not to mention it prevents you from ever finding someone you can actually be with.
The vast majority of you are capable of genuinely intimate relationships and we’ll happily explain how we know this on day #2 of the 5 Day Program. This ability is one of the things that sets you apart from most people. We’ll explain that too.
Do you want to really understand yourself, your relationships, and your misuse of alcohol?
All of that self-awareness is waiting for you.
It starts with just a phone consultation. 888-541-6350