With all of the attention to Ms. Glaser’s book, Her Best Kept Secret, it would be easy to forget that a third of our clients are men.
And yes, we do encourage men to read the book – it has a lot of interesting history and perspectives that aren’t gender specific. Remember, AA has been nearly as big a failure for most men as it has for women.
Still, in working with clients, there are a few common differences that do reflect gender. Specifically, it’s easier to get men to actively do things and try things than it is women.
Women would rather talk about doing new and different things than actually engaging in different behaviors. Of course men tend to do things that make no damn sense.
Basically, for both men and women, regaining control takes about the same amount of effort, just differently applied.
For women, your part means standing up, literally and figuratively, and engaging in your life instead of passively drinking it away.
For men you need to sit down and talk things through long enough to engage in activities that make some sense as alternatives to drinking.
As always, no magic or rocket science is involved. Just an analysis of what conditions you are self-medicating and what alternative behaviors, and what acquired skills, will result in a happier life than the one you’re now leading.
Drunken spectator? Sober participant?
Your life. Your choice!
Yes, we give permission, too.
We don’t see clients who are happy with their lives. That may seem obvious, but it’s less apparent how resistant people are to actually being happy.
But as you know, happy people don’t have alcohol problems.
The corollary is, as you become happier with yourself, and your life, you will be less inclined to abuse alcohol. How hard is that to grasp?
Yet most of us are embarrassed to actually live in ways that promote our own happiness. Seems like most of us have at least a bit of a Calvinist streak of “life must be grim” buried in us somewhere.
Strange how we self-indulgently drink our miseries away because we feel too guilty about living out what would actually make us happy.
And then you end up on our doorstep and we ask, “what changes in your life would make you happier?”
Of course you usually reply as expected, “I need to stop drinking…”
But then we note that it isn’t drinking that’s making you unhappy – it’s being unhappy that leads you to drink!
Yet most of us actually need someone to give us permission to be happy, to even find out what that might look like. What would your particular happy life consist of?
So we give you permission to explore, define, and institute changes in your life that will result in you being happier with your life and, hence, less inclined to medicate your misery.
And we don’t impose anyone else’s values on what your life should look like. Happier single? Fine. Married? Okay with us. Not interested in having children? Suits us (and overpopulation too).
Most happy and mature people lead somewhat idiosyncratic lives. They are not measuring themselves against others. They are living their days and activities in the ways that suit them.
Let us help you design and implement
you own uniquely satisfactory life.
Isn’t it about time? And your turn?