Couples: When you’re both drinking too much?
As you know, and as described on our website, we work with couples where both of you are drinking too much. Turns out that this is an “innovation” that should just be common sense.
Think about it for a moment – if you’re both abusing alcohol, and you’re still together, then your “dance” is a threesome and you can’t easily change it alone – at least not as effectively as you can together.
The alternative is the traditional AA rehab mantra that you have to each be treated separately, dissolve your marriage or relationship for a year, and then come back together.
Pretty predictable as to how that’s going to turn out, don’t you think?
Yes, there are many times when only one of you wants to fix the problem and we work with you as an individual. That has one of three different outcomes, usually.
One is that the reluctant spouse/partner sabotages you until, worn down, you go back to drinking to appease them.
The second is that, since the drinker won’t leave their lover alcohol behind, you go off to find new companionship that doesn’t involve a threesome.
The third is that you inspire your partner to follow your example.
But now and again we work with exceptional couples who recognize that they have a mutual problem that requires a united approach and solution.
That’s where we do get to assist in the best outcomes of all, and we are the only program structured in such a way that we can work with both of you effectively.
As deceptively simple as it may seem, we work as a team with you as a couple.
Why is that important?
It’s important because it means that, unlike typical couple’s counseling, no one need feel ganged up on – none of the usual triangulation that dooms most couple’s work.
Two of us, two of you. Woman and man, man and woman (usually, though it also works well with gay and lesbian couples). And the structural benefits continue through the program and follow-up.
Yes, this also works when only one of you has the drinking problem and the other is also involved, but it’s especially effective when you’re both drinking.
And we’re the only professionals in the world who do this.
Ready to address and fix this together? We’re ready to give you the perspectives, tools, resources, time, attention and expertise it takes.
Remember – we developed the model that focuses on client success, not maximizing profits by engineering your failure.
“Harumph! You two don’t even always agree with each other so I guess I don’t have to agree with either of you!”
“Sheila” was absolutely right, and that’s another benefit you get from working with us instead of trying to fit yourself into the one-size-fits-all rehab mill.
We readily acknowledge that you know yourself far better than we ever will and that you are mature enough to sort through the options and recommendations we offer and choose the ones that best suit you.
That is, after all, what we offer – options, not commands. We also grant absolution for past sins if you want it, and redirection onto the present and future, along with skills for escaping your fixation on the past.
But it’s all still your choice.
For example, if you love seeing yourself as a victim you’d be better off at AA where that will not only be “validated,” but you will have ample opportunity to be victimized (13th Stepped) on an on-going basis.
Frankly, even when it’s true – and we don’t doubt that most of our clients have been, or are being, mistreated and abused in many ways and to many degrees – there is no profit in defining yourself as a victim.
Rooting out that part of your self-image is an excellent way to start exercising your own strengths, including disagreeing with us, and anyone else, about what’s best for you.
Permanently powerless, diseased, conformist, victim?
Or strong, competent, capable individual?
If you prefer the former, skip us and turn yourself over to the Steppers.
But if the latter appeals – and it is the reality – let us help with empowerment, direction, and a real life.