Sometimes our readers say things better than we can and this week we’re very happy to let two of them speak to you. We hope you appreciate their comments as much as we do.
Dear Mary Ellen & Ed,
It’s funny how my messiness in my house matches the messiness inside of me. Alcohol is a liquid in a bottle, an inanimate object which I CHOOSE to pick up (yes indeedy, I am power-ful!). When I look at myself and say out loud, “I’m bored… not really craving alcohol but the feeling of alcohol and the numbness it induces… I go, “okay, look at your house… what part of your body that is yearning is also part of your house…?” The more I clean and then get in touch with my inner self and feel the relief and the connection the more I want to do. Same with music and art which is much more vibrant without the “haze.” I now get up at 4:30 am in the morning and do all sorts of things that I let slide for a long time.
My “boredom” is lack of energy caused by drinking, not lack of “fun or constructive things to do.” Because while I’m not drinking my energy sky rockets, along with my self-esteem, and that liquid in the bottle doesn’t look so good to me. Yes, I did get to the point where I had cut way down but it still had a hold on me so – BAM – it is no longer in my house and I don’t go where it is until I feel okay around not just it but the people around it which they don’t look so good either… way past tense on that last comment.
I am going way beyond my comfort zone and it feels damn good because facing my fears, my messiness inside of me, saying things out loud assertively but in a gentle way instead of stuffing, is much more exciting than the bottle and a movie… or two… or three….! If I drink again I will not beat myself up but will just look at what happened, how I am feeling, give myself a big hug, share the story with a trusting friend and pick up where I left off and not blame the bottle. With the “fear of drinking again” being put in proportion (but always seen as an important thing to NOT sweep under the rug) compared to how far I have come or came before the “if I drink” will help me realize that I have moved mountains, swam seas, and stepped across the stars and I am powerful enough to not let it sink me. I will get up, dust myself off and mount the sober horse again. That is HUGE for me.
Spring is always just around the corner! I realize you are very busy and if you see anything in the above that I might be blind to please feel free to let me know because that kind of knowledge can move mountains!
Thanks for your wonderful newsletters.
Ms. C. S.
Hi Mary Ellen and Ed:
I wanted to write and tell you just how well I am doing. When I signed up for your prohgram, I really had no idea how I would do, giving up drinking, it had become way too big a part of my life.
But this has been amazingly easy! I have not had any cravings, really. On two occasions, coming home from a full day of music classes, when I traditionally had used drinking to calm down, I’ve a had a short twinge of sadness, remembering how I used to look forward to it. Then I think “Nah, been there, done that” and quite frankly I am really enjoying the many benefits of not drinking.
In my opinion the program has been worth every penny: I now am in this place of peace, instead of the constant inner dialogue of “Will I? Should I? When/what will I drink?”-which started as soon as I woke up and continued will I drank. Then that dialogue was replaced by “Why did I have to drink again? I said I wasn’t gonna! Tomorrow I WILL NOT DRINK!”
One of the things I remember you saying was having one of your clients say to you, “I’ve got this!” and that was the end of his drinking issues, and that helped me realize this process does not have to be hard!
Thanks for everything!