“Mindfulness” — Another Effective Alternative To AA

What’s “mindfulness”? As with most buzz words it’s another variation on “self-awareness,” but what it actually comes down to is PAYING ATTENTION!

That’s right — paying attention, mostly to yourself, and what you’re using alcohol for.

That’s easier said than done. Generally speaking, we drink in order to avoid paying attention, to decrease self-awareness, to take the edge off our “lives of quiet desperation” that Thoreau noted most of us live.

Unlike AA, which orders you to “fake it til you make it,” or “keep it simple, stupid” and never ever pay attention to your actual life, we suggest that you do what works to cure your alcoholism and abuse.

Yes, the alternative to “mindlessness” really is “mindfulness” and you are, after all, a smart man or woman who’s interested in running your own life, not in being powerless.

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Happy Birthday from Google to Me…

Today is my birthday and last week Google sent an early present, a new algorithm that screwed up our Internet listings for a week.

In the bad old days that probably would have sent me scrambling for my vodka bottle(s) and several packs of cigarettes and into a two week funk.

These days, and for over 25 years, that isn’t even a temptation (well, okay, I did do a one day funk).

How did I make the change from then to now?

Mostly I did what we help you do — I created a life that suited me. A life I don’t want to give up in exchange for a few hours of temporary relief from the normal ups and downs of life.

That’s right. NORMAL!

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“If the only tool you have is a hammer, then every problem looks like a nail.”

That is the fundamental problem with treatment in the U.S. and Canada. If the only tool you have is AA and the 12 Steps then everyone has to be either a “powerless alcoholic” or “in denial.”

On the other hand, if you actually have all of the effective and available tools, then clients can be accurately assessed and treated.

What an idea!

But that’s where the “industry” bugaboos show up:

• treatment center owners don’t want to spend money on skilled staff;
• they don’t really want clients to succeed;
•  they don’t really believe clients can succeed.

We, on the other hand, working with a small number of motivated clients, have every reason to help you succeed – we’re not, after all, in the revolving door, client recycling business. (more…)

Ambivalence – the Real Enemy

When it comes down to fixing our alcohol abuse, or any other destructive behavior, the problem isn’t mythological “powerlessness” — it’s ambivalence.

Really, we only sorta want to fix any of the things that we could be taking care of.

Perhaps even more accurately, we just want the bad parts of our behavior to go away without us having to actually invest any effort in making that happen.

For a fast confirmation, just glance through the websites of a dozen treatment programs. They will all tell you how easy it will be. You will be “cured” in luxurious comfort by the magic of the palms, the vortex, the ocean breeze, or a helicopter ride up the mountain to meet your higher power.

Yes, it’s the magic.

Forget it.

All of these programs have one thing in common, they will fail you 95% of the time, and even when they seem to work, it’ll be because you decided to fix the problem yourself.

There is no magic, and it isn’t rocket science.

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For Men

Sometimes I think I write a bit more about women’s topics than I do about men’s and the some of the issues around drinking are different.

For example, women tend to to be more solitary drinkers while men tend to be more out and about drinkers. Women drive less while drunk (though that’s mainly because they get men to drive for them more often than vice versa).

But when it comes to giving up the alcohol abuse, the process is different:

• women need to quit talking about the problem and actually do something;
• men need to quit running around doing stuff that makes no damn sense and sit down long enough to talk through what does!

So! (more…)

“Fifty Shades of Grey”?

Everyone else seems to be writing about this women’s erotic e-book so why shouldn’t we?

Most of our clients are between 40 and 65, and two thirds are women, so sex is a frequent topic for consideration. Given that our clients are also very successful professionals who try to balance a dozen plates at once, it’s not shocking that the “let go and let him” theme of “Grey” appeals.

The traditional “women’s submission” and “men’s dominence” roles also come up in other aspects of the relationship problems that lead our clients to drink — sometimes in surprising areas.

One of these is in the matter of money. We are seeing an increasing number of couples, married or not, where the women out earn the men. Given the educational and professional achievements of women over the past two decades that isn’t surprising.

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The Benefits of Drinking.
Is This An April Fools Day Joke?

No, We’re Serious.

One of the first things we ask clients to do is to make a cost/benefit anaylsis of their drinking. But we suggest that they skip the “costs of drinking” and the “benefits of stopping”– since these are generally obvious to everyone –and focus on the “benefits of drinking” and the “costs of quitting.”

After all, it’s the benefits that you’re going to have to replace and the quick alcohol fix is going to be the primary cost of quitting.

So what are the benefits?

For most of us these include escape and passive aggression.

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“How I Stopped Drowning In Drink” by Paul Carr recently appeared in the Wall Street Journal. You can click on the link to read the full article, but basically he makes, in his words, three points:

“The real secret to getting sober, and to repairing all the broken aspects of your life, is to take the time (probably through trial and error) to figure out the causes of your addiction and the aspects of your character that can be pressed into service in curing them.

“To do that, you’ll have to figure out your own list of things you enjoy about drinking (for me: adventures, reckless spending, dating, etc.) and how you can keep those things alive through sobriety.

“Then you need to figure out what part of your personality will drive you to stay sober (for me: ego).”

Yes, you may be able to do that on your own. He did. I did. So have many others. (more…)

Assessing you…

Treatment facilities across the U.S. and Canada have only two assessments outcomes. You are, to them, an “alcoholic” who is either “in recovery” or “in denial”.

To them there is no such thing as someone who actually doesn’t have a problem; or who is abusing alcohol, not dependent; or someone who might be able to moderate; or someone who is medicating an actual medical condition that needs addressed.

Of course this also means that you need 30, 60, or — preferably — 90 days of useless treatment. Followed by the admonitions “don’t drink, go to AA,” a process which is more apt to increase your drinking than curb it.

The alternative, obviously, is to actually be assessed, a process that should evaluate you using real criteria like the DSM-IVR, but which also assesses your strengths, interests, circumstances, history, and preferred outcomes.

That’s what we do. All of it. We do the most comprehensive and individual assessments in the country. And we do it so you’ll recover – not be “in recovery” and back through the treatment mills’ revolving doors.

If you want a bit more information you can click on the link, or give us a call.

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We were reading Dr. Sally Satel’s review of “Memoirs of an Addicted Brain” by  Marc Lewis, M.D., and came across the following, “Dr. Lewis reminds us that people keep using … because drugs serve a purpose.”

Dr. Lewis further notes, “In one way or another, … people take drugs because they are not feeling right.”

How much does this reflect our oft-stated — as well as research and experience supported — contention that you don’t drink because you are dumb or diseased, but because it works — albeit in the short term?

Dr. Lewis also confirms that the addled brain, his included, can repair itself through altered thought and behavior patterns. We help you accomplish this through CBT, assertiveness training, diet, exercise, and motivational enhancement, among other things.

Dr. Lewis left his multiple addictions behind after he found himself thinking, “I deserve a chance to live.”

So do you. And you don’t need to waste more years figuring out how to manage this transition like he did. We’ll help you figure out your own route to “getting a grip and getting a life.”

That better life of yours is just a phone call away… (more…)